The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl (2005)

Max (Cayden Boyd) is a ten-year-old boy who doesn't get along with his classmates and is getting bullied at school. But Max has a great big imagination, and he has a pair of very special imaginary friends; Shark Boy (Taylor Lautner), a half human half shark raised by a pack of great white sharks, and Lava Girl (Taylor Dooley), a girl with superpowers who can shoot lava from her hands. But Max doesn't know that Shark Boy and Lava Girl really do exist. He is visited by them one day to help them fight against Mr. Electricity, a super-villain determined to rob children of their sleep on a planet Max made up called Planet Drool. 

This movie is a children's tale that is spoiled by a horrible decision to film most of it in terrible 3-D. Three quarters of the movie is in 3-D, which doesn’t at all look like 3-D, removing the brightness and life of the movie's colors and replacing them with a boring, energy-less complexion, which is about as exciting as looking at a 3-D plate of toast.

The good things about this movie:

- Children will like it

That's it, that's all. The acting in this movie is complete garbage. There are a few rules to making a movie, one of which is; never cast children, some movies can pull it off and do a good job at it, but not this one. For instance; Cayden's performance as Max is uninspired and is a better fit for a school play than for the big screen. If you've seen Taylor Lautner in Twilight, then you know exactly what kind of actor he is, and if you haven't, then picture someone from "Cirque du Soleil" acting with NO emotion. Taylor on the other hand, has potential. She at least shows emotion and delivers her lines with a little bit of excitement.

 

With its bubblegum colored sky and computer-generated Candy-Land terrain, Planet Drool looks like utter crap, like some thing from a ... I don't even know what to compare it to.

Here, you look and see what you want to compare it to;

By the way, those things on the left are the "enemies" of this movie.

During the first 10 minutes of this movie, I had already found about 100 different things wrong with it. Whether it was the story, physics, logic or the acting. By the end of this 1:30:00 long movie, you will have come out thinking "I would rather die than watch that satanic piece again.

So, again, if you like movies where you would have to be five years old to enjoy them, then this is the movie for you. If not, then whoever tells you to watch this movie should just get punched in the face.

Here is the trailer:

This movie is on Netflix. 

Sources:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0424774/?ref_=nv_sr_1  

Wild Wild West (1999)

In this movie interpretation of the TV series "The Wild Wild West", Will Smith and Kevin Kline play as federal agents assigned by President Grant to investigate the disappearance of some top scientists. They stumble over a tyrannical warlord discussing a plan to assassinate President Grant and give half the country back to Britain and Spain. (Movie takes place in the 1800s) Salma Hayek, who tells them that her father is one of the kidnapped scientists, teams up with them.

Now that the plot is out of the way, let me tell you why this movie is good:

- The Actors

- The cool gadgets

That's it, that's all. The acting in this movie could use a lot of improving, the actors themselves do a good job acting alone, but there is no chemistry between them, no eye contact, almost like they were each trying to solo the movie.

The bad guy, played by Kenneth Branagh, looks like this in the movie:

Yea, you're looking at it right, it is a guy with only half his body riding around in a steam powered wheelchair.

One of the running gags is that the Kline character can invent almost anything, right on the spot just like MacGyver. He rigs his train so that it has a spring trap that can shoot people into the air and have them fall through openings that appear in the roof and land perfectly in a chair. The spring trap defies the first law of motion in physics, but who cares right, it's a movie.

There is a gadget in the movie that the bad guys use; they put a collar on you with a small open section in the neck, and then they shoot heat seeking razor blades at you. You can run, but they always get beheaded. 

The Movie cost over $170 million to make, the most expensive film made in 1999. It looks like it too, the entire project looks like it was shot on green screen with mannequins, and then reanimated by the animation crew at Disney.

At the almost end of the movie, the bad guy transforms his train into an 80-foot tall mechanical tarantula and shoots out fireballs at the approaching towns destroying the buildings.

So to re-count, we have: a warlord chopped in half and riding around in a mechanical spider with an army of international saloon gals as his entourage (sorry, I forgot to mention them),

A threesome of badly united actors, great alone, yet horrible together,

And a lot of horribly induced physics and mannequin filled green screens. There is even a scene in the movie where Kline's character uses a dismembered head as a projection set to show Will Smith his plan.

So, as I said before, the only reason you should see this movie is if you like Will Smith or Kevin Kline, alone not together, or you want to see a bunch of really cool gadgets.

Here is the trailer to the movie from hell

Yes, this movie is on Netflix.

Sources:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120891/?ref_=nv_sr_1 

Some Movies Shouldn't Be Released

Have you ever watched a movie and thought to yourself "Why is this movie in theaters, why did this director make this movie?" or what about "What am I doing here, why did I pay for this crap?" Well I am about to tell you about 8 of the worst movies that I've seen and give you my opinion on why you shouldn’t see them… ever. I will be covering movies that I thought were bad, dreadful or horrendous. Now, for this blog, I will not be covering parodies of movies, even the good ones, because those are created to be bad, the directors want to have their fans hate them and want to win Razzie awards (Worst director/actor/screenplay/ect). So that means:

              - Scary Movie 1-4

              - Epic Movie

              - Disaster Movie

              - Meet the Spartans

              - The Starving Games

              - Spy Hard

And so on and so forth. Also, any movie made by the company "The Asylum" 

because those movies are so god awful, that you should just take my word for it and never ever see ANY of them. I will also not be doing any movie from the Twilight franchise because everybody has mixed feelings about those movies. "Oh they were the worst movies ever" or "Oh my god, those movies deserve all the Oscars." I haven’t read the Twilight books, so I can't compare it to those, and I've also only seen half of the first movie and don’t EVER plan on seeing the rest or reading any of the books.

Now, throughout my blog you will be told a bunch of information about these movies, reasons on why you shouldn't see them and also trailers to those movies. Like this trailer of the company "The Asylum":

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy my blogs and my reviews on these 8 really terrible movies.